i think this the greatest text i ever sent

i think this the greatest text i ever sent

… you’ll hate me. i tried to write a shorter message, but I can’t do it. Your question is deep to me and one I wrestle with and don’t have the answers to. For this reason, my arguments are really arguments I’m making for myself as I walk this journey in life. I don’t know if I’m right and I will probably never know.

…

That’s a fair point to bring up. Like any book, there’s a lot I don’t remember. For me, a big point was that you’re on trajectory towards something and this is the time to pursue the trajectory you think you want before it becomes increasingly harder to do so because time is working against you. I had another friend argue that you can change your trajectory whenever, which is true, but I do think it’s harder or certain doors can close as you get older.

After I sent you the book I wasn’t sure if it would even be useful for you because I feel like you’ve already put yourself on the trajectory you wanted? I think I just sensed a lot of confusion and I thought this book could maybe help clear some of that confusion?

Coming from her psychologist perspective, I think her bias and arguments are built around what psychologists find as universally leading to what is a good, happy or meaningful life. This usually leans towards spending time with family and friends, practicing gratitude, practicing optimism, physical activity, and I would add in implementing religious activity. But obviously, there is no one way to live life and what may be universally right may not be how one wishes to live their life.

To your point of what if you do all the above and things go wrong, what then? I think it’s a deep question with multiple philosophical arguments.

First point, part of the whole trajectory thing is to figure that out. You try something and see if that’s where you want to be going and if you don’t then you move on. Being where you’re at you can blow it up and start over with smaller wounds than if you tried 30 years from now.

Of course, there’s a balance of over comparison and you don’t always want to be looking for something “better” instead of being grateful for what you have.

Which leads to the second point, stoicism. “If you can’t be happy with a cup of coffee, you won’t be happy with a yacht”. Sometimes it’s not what you’re doing, but your attitudes towards. Viktor Frankl talks about this in his book Man’s Search for Meaning. While in the jewish concentration camp he said the one thing they can’t take away from you is your attitude towards something. If things don’t go your way you can choose whether or not you see it as positive or negative light.

Third point, I think seeing things in a nihilistic or negative fashion or detrimental to the human spirit and your life. Yes, it’s nice to vent about things and stuff just sucks sometimes, but if that’s the only thing you dwell on -my life sucks, everything is terrible, i hate it- it’s only going to make your life worse. Choosing to see things from a positive perspective is your only choice if you want to avoid the life you’re despising.

Last point, I don’t think living a life from a perspective of “what if everything I go for and obtain in life doesn’t fulfill me or end how I expected” is the right way to live. It’s like if you told a child that wants to be an astronaut they could die in space. So what? That’s not the point. Life could end in a drastic failure and a tragedy. In many ways, that’s the expectation. There’s a million miracles that have to come together for you to achieve anything. Maybe it will come together exactly how you dream it might. Maybe it won’t and you fail miserably, oh well. You’ll figure it out when it happens.

I might have already shared this before, but there’s this really dumb video I love. In the video he talks about a moth and why they go towards a light bulb. He says they go towards a light bulb because they think it’s the moon. It made me think, what if you think you’re doing all the right things and exactly where you want to be, but you’re chasing a lightbulb instead of the moon. What if you’re going towards the wrong thing and you don’t know it or you’ll never know it. My conclusion was that you should pursue the light anyway knowing it might be the light bulb instead of the moon. And if you’re okay knowing it could be a lightbulb you’re chasing, then you know it’s worth pursuing. In other words, pursue what you find most meaningful knowing it may not be meaningful at all.

“Well I’m not far into it but just the idea of figuring out life, settling down.”

Sort of a rhetorical question, but what do you mean by figure out life and settling down? People spend their entire lives trying figure out life. If they come to a conclusion who is to say their right or won’t change their mind? Settling down… That’s a hard one. In many ways I fear a white picket fence, but I also imagine my life without any kids and constantly having to shake up and create new friendships. Idk if I want that either and I think living a life not settled down could be really negative for my overall health and life. I imagine a life where both could be possible anyway.

“But the thought comes up of divorce and relationships that would lead to marriage and not work out anymore. Like what if someone did do all that, get the job and settle down but it ends up not working out, then what? What about those people ya know”

What if you don’t get a job and never settle down or get into a relationship? Because if you don’t try the first life, then it’s the second life you’re choosing. Maybe that’s what you want? Neither one is wrong. I just don’t think you can live a life where you make decisions based on the fear of it not working out. I’ve deeply thought about having to live my life completely alone and I refuse to think that I won’t find happiness if that became the case. It’s just not what I believe to be my ideal life and thus the reason I choose to pursue a relationship.

“Like they get the career job but it’s doesn’t end up being satisfying so they change their career completely, then what”

Then you change your career, or at least try to. It’s just probably easier to do now than it is later. That or you find a way to be satisfied in the circumstances you’re in. Always easier said than done, but yea.

Life will never be perfect. There’s always going to be suffering. But I know you’re not giving up so might as well live and pursue the best life you can while you’re here.

I always send overwhelming texts. I apologize. If you can never respond again then I understand <33333