The Moth

It was not until I made a hinge profile and collected a year of comments that I had realized what I was trying to say. Hinge is an online dating app. Similar to tinder, but specifically more personal. It asks the users questions they can answer to include on their profile along with their photos. The questions are quality "get the conversation started" questions. They range from "What is your best travel story?" to "Tell me two truths and a a lie." As I filled my profile out in a new city I spent no significant time picking what questions had to answer. Just enough time to make an online dating profile and try out a first adopter's app. I came across a question for me to answer that said "Life Mantra." Or is that a statement? idk. Don't expect good grammar in this blog. It's my art and I am not confined to the English language as you know it (I'm a millennial and I can say that). I thought about this. It was in me to know what to say. Then with a flawless thought I managed to put years of thoughts into one sentence. It is something that signicanlty means something to me. The most human thought and idea I hold dearly to the heart I have left. Which is hard to do in 2019. Think about everything taken seriously today. All of life's most impactful, heart filling and deep meaning moments. What do they turn into? A meme. Something to later be mocked (Usually within seconds). I have to be okay with that. That's okay. The sentence I wrote was "Go after whatever you find most valuable in life knowing it may not be valuable."

If I rewrote it, it would say "Go after whatever you find most valuable in life knowing it may not be valuable at all."

Or maybe even

"Go after whatever you find most meaningful in life knowing it may not be meaningful at all."

Now how did I come to such conclusion and what does it mean? Thank you next. (IF U CARE)

OH AND WHY IS IT CALLED THE MOTH?????

First watch this youtube video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=nhYNHKapKHY

Okay. So I am the biggest childish fan boi, but that's a whole nother blog.

First time I watched that "video" I got nothing out of it. A little confusion and enjoyment, but that was about it. But, the more I watch it now the more I see genius. The obvious part you listened to was "The Boy" being upset about moths. How "they are doing everything they are suppose to be doing" but it is just the wrong light. They are suppose to be going towards the moon. This is how I felt my first two years of college. I was getting through my classes and making friends just fine. Actually everything was from the outside perfect (from the inside nothing is ever perfect). But I was in a state that I think every student in college experience. Maybe one they never even get out of whether they know it all not. And that was, "what is the point in anything?" I was moth flying towards a light. I had a goal to obtain that was meaningful and valuable to me. For simplicity reasons you could say it was college, but it was really more complex than that. Everything in my life felt like progress. When I say everything I mean everything. Graduate school CHECK. Get college paid for through scholarships CHECK. Make friends have roommates CHECK. Network for business and career purposes CHECK. Get smarter and faster more understanding CHECK. Everything I am doing is progress CHECK. but there was a question haunting me. does progress even exist? and if it even does, does it matter? ii mean everything we know and love is going to die. me. u. this blog. the internet. the world will burn up by the sun. everything is a floating rock waiting to be burnt up and cease to exist. every memory will one day not exist. not even mlk. the greatest martin luther. nor even me. not even my perspective matters. if i'm not here either r u. y b here? y am I alive? y do ii care? y do ii care that you care?

I spent what felt like a lifetime in this state. It took so many forces to take me out of this argument. It manifested itself so slowly. This argument that you a floating boat in the middle of the ocean alone and just waiting to cease to exist. But somehow, I came back to the moth. I actually was intending on giving something like a TED talk to my class of ambassadors. People who meant the most to me at the time. Intended on using this video, but as a different example to explain the importance learning to roll your on joint (jokes, but kinda not really). But then the manifestation hit me. The Moth.

We are the moth. This is the meaning of life.The things we yearn for. It is to go after whatever goal is at hand with resiallance and nonconformity. I can feel it! The human dream! To progress! That is all we want! The opportunity to progress to whatever we find most desirable! But wait... What if all that progress is a light? What if we think we are going towards the moon, but it is really a light. We are doing everything we are suppose to be doing, but it's really a light. And does a moth ever find this out? No. So why progress if we could be heading towards a light?

Acceptance. What if that thing you yearn for most is worth it even if you know it may be a light? What if you can look at what you year for most and say "Even if I am wrong.

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I spent the first two years in college in a state most people I think never get out of. Why progress? Everything you know and love is going to die? This earth. The sun. Your memories. Me. You. The most famous of heroes. The fiction and the non-fiction. Everything will wither away out of existence just like it begun. We just happen to be floating on a rock that feels like it matters. You are not even alive after my perspective consciousness is gone. Why even be alive? You can make no impact in life when you are not even an ant in the universe. You are nothing. Scheming into believing you exist. *Out of context, but can you take this argument farther? Have you? You should. It is what the universities are preaching to us non-existence. Not that you feel like nothing in the universe go off and be a slave to the corporate capitalist for the rest of your life*

If progress doesn’t exist and it doesn’t matter, why be?

But here you are. A moth. Progressing.

The meaning of life for a human is to be a moth. To head towards that light. To go after whatever, you find most valuable in life. That is the human spirit. Taking up responsibility to achieve whatever you find has the most value with resilience and nonconformity. Having and doing whatever it takes to be get there. It might not be natural for us to know what our light is, what we find most valuable. It is part of the human journey (plot twist, it finds you). But to head toward the light is the meaning of life. That is when you are doing everything you are supposed to be doing. But what if your ends up being a light and not the moon? What if everything you are going towards does not matter? What if it is not what you thought it was? Will a moth ever find out if it going towards the moon or a light? No. So why even fly?

What if that thing you find most valuable in life is worth going for even if you find it not valuable at all? What if that light your heading towards is worth it even if you are wrong? What if you can come unto acceptance with that idea? What if even after knowing the thing you find most valuable could not be valuable at all is still worth going for? Then. Then, it worth it. That is what you pursue. Because you are a moth. You are doing everything you are supposed to be doing when you are heading towards what you believe in. And if you are willing to pursue that value knowing it may not be valuable at all then you should pursue it. With everything you have. Because at that point. Because with that knowledge of faith what can stop you. If you are okay dying knowing everything you were going to build may be significant to you and its still worth doing then do it. That is the moth. That is my mantra.

I hope you understand. It is hard to explain. The first time I tried to explain to my ambassadors, I don’t think I really understood what I was trying to say. That is why the hinge mantra was so significant. Explaining everything in one sentence. Years of ideas and philosophical arguments within my mind concluded in a sentence. How surreal for me. Even today it is still hard for me to comprehend such revelation for myself.

Hopefully this helps you. If you were in a meaningless dark place as I was. I spent so long trying to “find myself.” I hope a moth means something to you now. My idea become a meme seconds after I manifested it. Moths were even trending on social media because they loves lights so much. I hope you feel like a moth. I hope you’re floating towards a light. A light that you love and want. A light where you are doing everything you are supposed to be doing. But knowing, it may be a light you don’t love or want at all. Because after that conclusion, everything begins to matter again. Even if the world burns up. Even if you cease to exist. Maybe you don’t. Maybe it does matter. Maybe that is the only way we can live life. Maybe that is the only way we should live life. With the cup half full knowing it may be half empty.

I love you to the moon and back even if we never make it.

I really do love you. So much.

“Whoever finds his life will lose it. Whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:39

You are a moth. A seemingly useless scum heading towards a light instead of a moon. What is the point?

The meaning of life. To go after what every you find most meaningful in life. The human spirit! Can you feel it!

I am just going to say this. It does matter because you are. Can you feel it? Existence? Does it matter if it is all gonna die? Because here you are. This is existence. This is the vibe. You are the vibe. It is yours. Your experience is an opportunity the world how you see it.

This argument I sfuck in g hard

Okay. Im kinda pissed right now because I wrote everything and wix deleted it and now I hate them.

Fuck okay.

Fuck

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Coachell coachell I love you derek. Its gonna be okay. You can do this. She loves. I love you . you are okay. Sin. I just. Its worse than that. Who r u. why does this sound so stupid. Why do I need you. Why does it feel anything unless it oges online. Why . I wan tyou to care . I want me t oare. Id ocare. You this. I know and I miss me sometimes.

Does progress exist?

The moth it flutters towards the light. “Derek. What if you go after everything you find most meaningful in life and it is not meaningful at all?” yes.

Everything you know is going to die. This earth.

I spent the first two years in college in a state most people I think never get out of. What is the point in anything?

You are on a boat in the middle of the sea that will never be found and one day cease to exist.